Damn, you're fine. If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. Is a heart attack the same as an attack of the heart? After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells "When I eat, everybody eats!". Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and my ears started ringing, I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker, I was going to smoke a cigar on International Womens Day. Im dancing along to the rhythm of life. After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you? "What's your secret for a long happy life?" ", The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Example 2: Answer for someone who used to smoke and no longer does Here's an example of how to answer if you no longer smoke/drink: "I used to be a heavy smoker, but I quit three years ago when I was pregnant with my son. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one pretty. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. I dont speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? *Summons genie* Please enter your username or email address to reset your password. Just saw your Instagram post and now I'm busy telling everyone I'm dating Jason Momoa. Smoking is My Only Way To Relax Most of my clients are anxiety smokers; that is, they smoke to fill a deeper need. ", "When you bake yourself and not the pizza. If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. I love you from the start of the earth to the end of this entire galaxy. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. 1. Would a crocodile snap at a snapping turtle? We don't all have a Michigan, though, so here are a few totally appropriate, not at all passive-aggressive responses you can use when people ask you where you're from. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. No, I just checked my receipt. Sorry, I dont understand what youre saying. 1. Bye! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! Which English king invented the fireplace? ", I said no. I have awhile before that. If P.E. Hey, hot stuff! If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? 11. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? That sounds weird coming from you. "Yep," the bartender replies. 7. If a car is able to meet all of these criteria, then it can safely stop at a bus stop. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. Flip a coin. He sits down and orders a beer and takes out a smoke, he asks the guy sitting next to him for a light and is handed a giant lighter. *"18. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! Oh, enough about me! Sorry, the lines choppy. Then why would you want to live more than 100 years? "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. 6. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. 9 yr. ago Exactly. 8. Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. 8. 9. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". 9. 2. Because its the end of the month and you havent met your ticket quota. I lost about 25 pounds. If you're dying laughing because of a text, go ahead and let that person know. Remember that time when I said you were cool? Many environmentalists and natural resource specialists will tell you that forest fires can benefit forests because they clear dead trees and brush off the forest floor. 4. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. Smoking Baby Funny Gif. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Dean Martin 28 / 32 Getty Images, rd.com Louis Pasteur "A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". Depends how long you were following me. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? Id be much better if you gave me a kiss. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? But having a healthy respect for fire is part of appreciating it. But, dead inside. 5. Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. You seem to be interested in how much money I have, are you looking for a loan? The bartender looks down on this travesty and shakes his head. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. People like you are the reason Im on medication. I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. She was worried about all that second hand smoke, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. His clothing? Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! "Do you know that smoking shortens your life." And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. He loved his job. $2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) French Bulldog Heart Valentines Day . Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. You have been warned. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? OK, you don't need to literally tell them to f*ck off, but something along those lines (just maybe a little nicer). Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. "OMG stop. But for now, if you do smoke just be aware of where and when you're doing it. when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Are you supposed to serve coffee on a coffee table? "I'll grant you any wish for releasing me from the lamp!" Do you want to summary or long version? Can I make a wish? Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. 12. he boomed. *Make sustained eye contact and then lick your lips*. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. - Do you drink? Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? For your convenience, of course." "FYI" (when sent with a forwarded message, and nothing else) "Uh-oh. The answer was an emphatic No! They immediately ran off. I have no way of knowing that. 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. Mom: no. I think smoking isn't a bad habit until its under your control. ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. I can't stand high maintenance women. 8. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! "I wish to return to my old life!" "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion. If there are people around you who try to put you down for it, f*ck them. Great advice, will do and thank you. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. 10. You set my heart on fire. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, I hear youre granting wishes. "* Technically, I pulled myself over. Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. 15. In response to the "You're not a monk" joke. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. 10. Below is Bergerons growing list of funny and random things to say to just about anyone anywhere in the entire universe. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. Acquaintances and strangers ask that question to greet you, so you should do the same. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? Your misguided opinion is false but cute. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. 18. You can explore smoke kush reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. I don't remember asking for your opinion. Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. Only use this list to poke fun and for amusement. 7. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Then POOF! 16. Amazing what showering can do for you. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. THAT'S SO COOL! 17. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire Spiritually? "Twenty-six," he said. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! What did the firefighter say when she saw the church razing down? Security stops him and says, There are no firearms allowed in this building.. To which the flight attendant replies: I watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. Dunno, just a guess. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. asks Grandpa. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. I just have silicon. By 8:00 a.m. Iiames sent the daily Smoke Outlook to the ICT, the California Air Resource Board, state and regional partners, then posted online for public access on EPA's AirNow website.